We want Babies!!!! (stomping my foot)

Ok so my friend Denise and I were discussing blogs, and I was thinking about what I wanted to talk about and the only thing I want to talk about is babies. So between postings of Tyler's pictures you are going to read me talking about my infertility troubles.

There are a couple of reasons I want to do this:
#1 I need an outlet
#2 and the most important reason when we finally do have babies I would like to have a memoir of what we went through to get them here. I think it would be great thing to have.

So I'm sorry if you don't want to hear about it, you can stop reading. But this is mainly for me and for those people who care about us and love us and want to go through it with us.

This is a picture of our embryos that we had implanted on November 29, 2007. I can't throw this picture away. Call me crazy but I feel like it's a picture of my babies their first picture. I know I know they aren't here I'm not even pregnant but I can't get rid of it. Am I crazy?????

So the day we got the news that we weren't pregnant was probably one of the worst days of my life. I thought for sure we were pregnant. I thought how is it possible that we aren't??? I don't get it. I needed someone to explain to me why, but no one could nobody had an answer. I guess I thought that it was going to be like magic and Dr. Blauer was going to wave his wand and make it happen. I just thought it was our time. But it wasn't and we weren't pregnant and we had to move on. I'm not sure I have moved on completely . My heart broke in two that day. First because we weren't pregnant and second because my sweet sweet husbands heart was broken. I didn't know that men got baby hungry but they do and my sweet sweet husband wants to be a daddy really bad. I never ever want to see that look on his face again. I felt like I let him down. I have never felt more broken ever in my life. I felt like he got a bum wife and I felt really bad that I couldn't bring babies into our lives.

So for now Our hearts are healing and we are moving forward.

Today we saw the Dr. again. You see not only do we have infertility problems I have endometriosis (ouch) and cysts on the ovaries (a bunch of them ouch again) and we are trying to suppress those mean things that grow. The suppression isn't working and I am hurting a lot and getting very very frustrated. So we are going to try the suppression drug one more time and hope that it works this time (cross your fingers). But we did set a goal to try to do in-vitro again in October. Which is what I am really excited about.

You see when we got the embryos on the 29th of November we also had 5 other little embryos that we got to freeze, and we are going to use them. Our next hurdle is to keep me suppressed and hope the pain goes away, and hope and pray that those little baby embryos are still alive. There is a chance that they may not live through the freezing and un-thawing process. But we aren't going to think that they didn't live we are going to think positive.

So the next few months I am going to be posting my progress and talking about the things that are going on in the efforts to have babies. So please bare with me during this journey. There are going to be sad times and happy times and mood swings galore. I am excited and scared but I am ready! I ask that you pray with us and for us, because we are going to need it. Thanks for letting me have an outlet and place to document this amazing journey.